Sport, Health & Wellbeing
There is a light … look for the signs
Ten years ago, life swept Sam Smith and her family halfway across the globe, as they moved from their original home of South Africa to their new home in Australia’s capital.
It was a whirlwind of a time, pulling up old roots and putting down new ones, packing and unpacking, planning and adapting, searching for schools and homes, enrolling and arranging.
“About two years after we moved, I just completely burned out and broke down,” Sam said.
Across UC, Sam is known as the Practice Management Coordinator at the Medical and Counselling Department, always ready with a kind and calming word, or an encouraging smile.
But at the time, no matter her outward demeanour, Sam was waking up every morning with crushing chest pains, feeling incredibly sad and having no idea where it was all coming from.
“I kept wondering what was wrong with me, questioning why I had so much good in my life but felt so bad, and I thought it was a physical illness,” she said.
“It was my husband, the closest person to me, who noticed the signs … and it slowly dawned on us that there might be more to it, that I might be dealing with some mental health issues.”
The real turning point came when she reached out to her best friend. “I just said: look … I’m not coping,” Sam said. “I’m not OK.”
One simple statement – and once she’d got it out, a small light dawned at the end of what had been a long, dark tunnel. That light only got bigger and brighter from there, and guided her back out of the darkness.
“A lot of people feel like they need to provide an explanation, or a reason, when they find themselves dealing with mental health issues,” Sam said. “But really, it’s just about reaching out and saying: something isn’t right, and I don’t feel ok.”
That’s one reason R U OK? Day resonates so much for Sam. “It’s about reaching out to people who might need help, but it’s also about reaching out to get help for yourself when you need it,” she said.
R U OK? is an Australian non-profit suicide prevention organisation, created by Gavin Larkin OAM in 2009, 14 years after he lost his father Barry to suicide.
Of the endless questions that the loss left his family with, Gavin chose to focus on one – and to share it outwards as a meaningful reminder of the power of reaching out, and simply asking: are you OK?
Sam’s best friend was supportive and understanding.
“She listened to me, and then she said, ‘I think we need to get you to a doctor’.
“So I went to see a counsellor, and the whole process unloaded so much burden from me. I’ve learned to see the signs in myself now, to know when I need to check in with my doctor, or take time out to take care of myself.”
It’s important to remember, Sam says, that anyone can struggle with mental health issues. It’s not a sign of weakness.
“I think a lot of strong people especially struggle with mental health issues,” she said.
“They soldier on, thinking that they need to handle everything themselves, and because they can be very high-functioning, no one sees the signs.”
This year’s R U OK? Day is themed ‘Trust the Signs, Trust your Gut & Ask R U OK?’.
“A lot of people who are struggling think that they are alone in this, the only ones,” Sam said. “They don’t reach out because they don’t want to impose on others, or be a burden – so one important thing you can do is to listen to the language they use to describe themselves, it’s a good indicator of where they’re at.”
“Other signs include changes in usual demeanour, such as being more tearful than usual, or not engaging with the things they enjoyed before,” she added.
Even when there’s an awareness that something’s not right, getting help can be a struggle. For one thing, there’s still a stigma attached to struggling with your mental health.
Initiatives like R U OK? highlight the need to talk about mental health issues. As the conversation around it grows, the stigma shrinks and loses its power – and the more people will be able to reach out, to others and for themselves.
“Look at it this way,” Sam said. “If you reach out to someone, and they say ‘I’m okay’, you’ve lost nothing – if you’re right though, you may well be a stepping stone for someone to get onto their own path of healing.”
You could be the light at the end of someone else’s dark tunnel.
Words by Suzanne Lazaroo, photo by Madeleine Wood
R U OK? Day is held annually, every September. But every day is a day to reach out – one question could save a life.